I've come to learn that there are patients you care for as a nurse that you will never soon forget. Recently, I was reminded of my experience of caring for, let's call him Mr. B. I had taken care of Mr. B a few times before on different hospital admissions. One of the bonuses of working in a cardiothoracic progressive care unit is that we get patients that have pumps in their hearts called LVADs. The pumps that are implanted help patients maintain a length and quality of life that normally wouldn't be possible without the device, but lead to other complications. Because many LVAD patients need to come back to the hospital to be treated, and because I work in a specialty unit designated to treat them, I have had the honor of getting to know many LVAD patients from our community.

Several months ago I helped Mr. B pass over to the other side. I had taken care of Mr. B a day previous and something just didn't seem right. Early in my shift, he looked me dead in the eyes and stated something like, 'I want to go home’. At first, I just told him it was a matter of time for him to get better before he could, but then I realized what he meant. He was communicating with me that he wanted to go to his permanent home. From that point on, I did all I could do to help meet his wishes. I helped him call his daughter whom he was very close to, and I called his primary doctor responsible for his care. That day, he had decided he wanted to have his life-sustaining pump in his heart turned off. I kept thinking to myself, one of the other nurses here on our unit should be taking care of him. I had come to know Mr .B but not very well. I was doubtful I could be everything he needed me to be that day. Eventually, he was transferred to another unit to a private room, having been placed on comfort care, where they turned off his pump. After giving report to his new nurse, I said goodbye to Mr. B. Surprisingly, he thanked me for everything I had done for him. In that moment, even though the critic in my head was beating me up, I was able to offer myself some grace as I held Mr. B's hand one last time.

Looking back on that day, I realize that it was supposed to have been me taking care of Mr. B all along. I was called to do so in the same way I was called to start this blog. To be honest, I have been putting extra pressure on myself to produce something of value for this 2nd blog post and have been avoiding getting to the nitty gritty of writing it. I was struggling simply to pick the right topic as I was struck with thoughts of 'not enoughness'. Over the last few weeks I have experienced messages from the universe encouraging me to continue my blog. They came from different sources: a pastor's message, a song I held near and dear, a 'Just One Thing' message from Rick Hanson on offerings, but, most importantly, my own inner fount of wisdom.

I'm looking forward to continuing to share my thoughts with you all! May we all know our innate worth and not be afraid to contribute the offerings of love meant to be from us.